The divorce process is often emotionally challenging for everyone involved. Emotions can be particularly intense for women, especially mothers, making it difficult to approach divorce pragmatically and impartially.
Many of our female clients express frustration that their partners appear emotionally detached, which only heightens their distress. In psychology, it’s understood that men do have emotions but often express them differently or keep them concealed. Men may view showing emotions as a sign of weakness and may prefer to channel their feelings into anger, withdrawal, or other reactions. Additionally, men tend to rely more on logical, “left brain” thinking, while women often engage more with emotional, “right brain” responses. These differences in approach can be evident during divorce or relationship breakdowns, despite both parties facing similar circumstances.
This perceived emotional detachment in men can sometimes work to their advantage during negotiations in divorce proceedings.
If I could offer one piece of advice to women navigating divorce, it would be to prioritise rationality over emotion. Strive for a realistic settlement outside of court. Negotiate with the understanding that compromise will likely be necessary. This approach can expedite the process, keep costs down, and lead to a satisfactory settlement, even if it’s not exactly what you initially hoped for. Lean on your lawyer for strategic, focused advice and turn to friends and family for emotional support during this challenging time. However, maintaining pragmatism doesn’t mean giving in. An experienced family lawyer can assess the strengths and weaknesses of your position and guide you on where to stand firm, ensuring you negotiate from a position of strength. Stay focused on your goals and the facts, even when facing internal turmoil.
Here are four additional key tips for mothers going through divorce:
- Avoid using children as leverage. It can be tempting to express hostility towards your husband through your children, but this approach is detrimental. Children deserve to maintain a loving relationship with both parents, regardless of the relationship dynamics between the adults.
- Manage financial matters without becoming overwhelmed. Dealing with the division of assets and financial arrangements can be overwhelming, especially if your husband has previously handled these responsibilities. Take your time to go through everything methodically, and don’t hesitate to seek guidance from your solicitor if needed.
- Don’t feel pressured into hasty decisions. Your lawyer can serve as a buffer if you’re feeling pressured by your partner. It’s important to respond to correspondence in a timely manner, but allow yourself the necessary time to consider your options carefully.
- Consider mediation for parenting disagreements. If you and your ex-spouse are unable to reach agreements on parenting matters, mediation can be beneficial. A mediator can help facilitate productive discussions and assist you both in finding common ground without resorting to court proceedings, improving communication for future co-parenting.
Receiving advice is often easier than applying it, especially during emotionally charged situations like divorce. However, following these guidelines can help you navigate the divorce process more effectively and position yourself well for a fresh start.
