As divorce lawyers, we witness a wide spectrum of approaches that couples take when navigating the divorce process. Some couples proceed through the process smoothly, reaching agreements amicably. Others experience emotional pain and distress along the way. Then there are those who approach divorce with a determined mindset, ready to battle and fight through every step of the process.
How to end a marriage and stay friends
Based on our extensive experience handling divorce cases, couples who are able to maintain a friendly relationship post-divorce often follow these guidelines:
- Avoid arguing over trivial matters—it’s not worth quarrelling over insignificant items like saucepans. Try to reach agreements without getting too attached to material possessions.
- Prioritise the children’s well-being. Avoiding arguments minimises stress and upset, benefiting both you and your children. Children benefit greatly from seeing their parents getting along, which alleviates their fears about the breakdown of their relationship.
- Understand your legal rights—Be knowledgeable about divorce-related rights and be open to reasonableness regarding custody arrangements and asset division.
- Accept the situation. If your spouse initiates divorce proceedings, understand that trying to change their mind may be futile. Seek emotional support from friends, counsellors, or therapists during this challenging time.
- Plan and communicate. If you’re initiating the divorce, prepare your spouse by having open conversations. Anticipate emotional reactions, such as anger, which may stem from their emotional response to the news.
Navigating the practicalities of divorce can seem overwhelming, but it becomes less daunting when approached with mutual respect, dignity, and understanding. While divorce is emotionally taxing, it doesn’t have to end acrimoniously. Keeping a friendly relationship with your ex depends on both your and your spouse’s attitudes, as well as the approach taken by your lawyer.
Choose your divorce lawyer carefully
As accredited family lawyers with Resolution, we are committed to taking an amicable approach in all aspects of our work. This means adopting a constructive and non-confrontational approach in our correspondence, advice to clients, and interactions with other parties involved. By using respectful language and maintaining a civil tone in our communications, we aim to conduct divorces in a civilised manner.
The government’s push to resolve marital disputes outside of the courtroom underscores the importance of mediation and negotiation over contested proceedings. Mediation is now a preferred step before court hearings for children’s matters and is highly recommended for financial disputes. Most lawyers now discourage tactics like “point scoring” and “mudslinging,” recognising them as outdated and unproductive.
While disagreements over children’s arrangements or financial matters can be emotionally charged and complex, courtrooms are rarely the best venue for resolving them. Couples who can reach agreements among themselves are more likely to achieve amicable resolutions. In my experience, parties are also more satisfied with agreements they negotiate themselves than with outcomes imposed by a judge that may leave both parties dissatisfied.
Although staying friends after divorce isn’t always possible, it’s certainly feasible to foster a civil relationship with your ex-spouse. While emotions can run high, especially in cases involving infidelity or abuse, drawing a line under the marriage and focusing on independent lives can facilitate better post-divorce relationships. Many of my clients have found that they get along better with their former partners after divorce than they did during an unhappy marriage.
In my extensive experience handling divorces, I always offer the same advice: resolving matters amicably is the best and most positive approach. This is especially crucial for parents, who will remain connected through shared parenting responsibilities for many years to come.
