Much attention is given to discussing the best ways to tell your children about your divorce, but how do you go about telling your own parents?
When we consider sharing news of divorce, the focus is typically on the children, and rightly so. The way this news is communicated to them can significantly impact how they cope with the situation and can set the tone for navigating the family break-up in a way that is as gentle as possible for them. But what about when it’s the children who need to tell their parents about the divorce? How would you communicate this news to your mom and dad?
Sorry, it’s over
It’s never easy to share with someone that your relationship has ended, especially with parents whom you likely look up to. You might feel like a disappointment or worry that you’ve let them down, though they are unlikely to see it that way. Nonetheless, it’s important that you do tell them.
I would recommend doing it sooner rather than later. Hearing about your marriage ending from another family member could be very upsetting for them and might lead to more problems than the divorce itself. It’s best to have this conversation face-to-face. Before visiting, you could contact them and ask for some time alone to discuss an important matter. This approach is much better than delivering the news over a call or, even worse, via text message.
Put a limit to the personal details
To a certain extent, plan what you are going to say to them. They may not need to know all the intricate details of the breakdown. There could be some deeply personal issues you prefer to keep private. The level of detail you share might depend on the type of relationship you have with your parents.
For some parents, this news might come as a complete shock. For others, even if you haven’t openly discussed problems before, they may have sensed that something wasn’t right. Either way, allow them time to absorb what you say and give them space to ask questions. You don’t have to answer everything right away, especially if you’re still sorting out arrangements like childcare and living situations, which may not be finalised early on.
Demonstrate that you’ve thought things through
If there are children involved, your parents will naturally want to know about their well-being, and you can reassure them that you will always prioritise the children’s best interests. You may also rely more on your parents’ support in the coming months to help care for your children. Continuing to spend time with grandparents can provide a sense of normalcy for younger children during this time of change.
Your parents will likely want to support you over your spouse, which is understandable. However, if possible, ask them not to openly take sides. Comments like “I told you not to marry him/her” won’t be helpful. The best support they can offer is simply being there for you—listening, offering sympathy, or providing a familiar presence during a challenging time. After all, they know you better than anyone and can be a valuable source of comfort.
