Divorce is a challenging process for everyone involved—the spouses, children, grandparents, and friends. Navigating this journey requires maintaining a calm and collected approach. From my experience, fathers often feel they face significant challenges during divorce or separation.
Men and women cope with divorce differently and have unique considerations and priorities. However, both can take steps to navigate this difficult time and emerge successfully.
For men, specific divorce tactics can facilitate progress, reduce stress, and promote a more amicable process. This blog compiles our top divorce tips for men, drawing from the wealth of collective experience at DLS Solicitors.
What should a man do when his wife wants a divorce?
Consider carefully before taking action. It might sound like common sense, but it’s one of the most important pieces of divorce advice for men. Many people don’t fully think through the consequences before acting. For example, an angry father may issue an ultimatum to his wife to show he won’t tolerate any nonsense from the start.
This approach isn’t helpful. It puts the wife on the defensive and can strengthen her resolve to make him suffer. This can lead to a flurry of correspondence with allegations and counter-allegations.
If negotiations aren’t attempted to resolve the situation, it can quickly escalate to court proceedings where a judge decides on child custody or asset division.
So, our top divorce tips for men are: STOP, THINK, and most importantly, LISTEN.
Stop: Pause before taking rash actions or saying things you might regret. Sometimes, biting your tongue is worth it in the long run.
Think: Consider the impact of your decision on your wife and children. Think about how your behaviour affects them. Your decision might shock your wife, and her reactions could be driven by emotion while you’re thinking rationally.
Listen. Be open to advice from professionals and your wife. Listen without reacting defensively or angrily. You may find you can resolve things more amicably this way.
However, don’t listen to advice from “that guy at the pub.” Many people have divorce stories, but each separation is unique. What worked for someone else may not be suitable for you.
Listening to a friend who claims to know what you should do may give you a false impression of the situation. At worst, it could cost you money and time and damage relationships with family, friends, and your children.
If you’re considering initiating a divorce, have a plan and consider all the implications. This decision will have far-reaching consequences and change your life and others’ lives forever.
Don’t drag your children into the dispute with your wife
This is essential divorce advice for dads, which applies equally to moms and should be a central consideration for all couples going through a family breakup: prioritise keeping things civil with your spouse for the sake of your children.
It’s natural to want to discuss the situation with your children, especially if you feel wronged. However, remember that they are innocent parties and need to remain children, not be drawn into adult conversations about the situation.
Of course, you should inform them that there will be changes, but reassure them that you and your spouse are working together to agree on arrangements and that you will always be their dad.
While you may no longer be husband and wife, you will always be parents, so strive to maintain a constructive, ongoing relationship for your children’s sake. Their well-being is paramount.
A crucial piece of divorce advice for fathers is to avoid involving their children in discussions about the divorce. It’s unfair to them, can cause lasting harm, and will likely lead to more heartache. Resist the temptation to use them as messengers between you and your spouse.
If you need to communicate with your spouse, do so directly. If your spouse attempts to use the children to relay messages, respond directly to her. Refrain from speaking negatively about their mother. You may no longer have romantic feelings, but your children certainly have their own relationship with their mother. Avoid putting them in a difficult position.
Do everything to reach an agreement
There’s an old cliché suggesting that women can prolong an argument longer than men, but from our experience in family law, both parties can be equally guilty of this behaviour. However, extending an argument, standing firm on positions, or arguing over principles does nothing to facilitate productive divorce negotiations on any issue.
Strive to reach agreements without resorting to court intervention to obtain a judge’s opinion. Going to court only ensures prolonged proceedings and increased costs, without guaranteeing the desired outcome for either side.
If communication with your spouse becomes challenging, consider mediation. Mediation isn’t a soft option—it can facilitate agreements or clarify issues that require legal advice.
Be prepared to negotiate assertively yet fairly. While you have the right to stand your ground against unfair treatment, avoid employing bullying tactics. Such behaviour is unlikely to be appreciated by your spouse, her solicitor, or the courts if it reaches that stage. In stressful situations, men may unintentionally come across as aggressive, which can be intimidating and exacerbate tensions.
What is a man entitled to in a divorce?
Divorce rights for men are no different from those for women. The starting point in theory for dividing assets in divorce is a 50/50 split. However, this doesn’t guarantee that this is the outcome you’ll achieve.
If you can negotiate a divorce settlement, what you receive will depend on what you can agree upon with your ex-spouse. It’s crucial to have the support of an expert family lawyer during this process to facilitate a fair settlement.
If you require a court to determine how your assets will be divided, it will consider factors such as:
- Your respective ages
- Duration of the marriage
- Current and future earning capacities of both parties
- Needs of any children involved
- Contributions made by each party during the marriage, both financially and otherwise
- Standard of living during the marriage and ongoing living expenses
- Available property and assets, including pensions
Seeking specialist legal advice as soon as divorce is on the horizon ensures you fully understand your entitlements and enhances your chances of achieving a fair asset division.
Who gets the house in a divorce?
The family home is treated as an asset in divorce proceedings, much like any other property or asset. Its value will be considered in any negotiated divorce settlement or by the court if an agreement cannot be reached.
In cases involving children, it’s typical for the parent with primary custody to remain in the family home, but this arrangement is not always necessary or guaranteed. The division of the family home will depend on various factors considered during the divorce process.
Who gets to stay in the house during separation?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as it typically needs to be agreed upon by the separating spouses with guidance from their legal representatives. In theory, both spouses can continue to live in the family home if they choose, although in practice, one spouse often moves out.
If there are children involved, it’s crucial to prioritise their best interests during this period of transition.
It’s important to understand that moving out of the family home during a separation does not automatically impact your legal rights concerning the property. However, it’s advisable to seek expert legal advice to fully comprehend all the implications of your divorce.
What should a man ask for in a divorce settlement?
Men’s rights in divorce and the specifics of what you should seek in a divorce settlement will vary depending on the circumstances. It’s crucial to seek early legal advice to ensure you are clear on what you are entitled to in a financial settlement.
While it’s natural to experience emotions like anger or sadness during divorce, it’s important not to let these emotions dictate your approach to settlement negotiations. Allowing emotions to take over can complicate reaching an agreement without resorting to lengthy and expensive court proceedings. An experienced family lawyer can assist you in taking a practical and rational approach to achieving a settlement.
The fundamental principles to keep in mind are that your divorce settlement should meet your needs and be fair to both parties, including any children involved. Maintaining this perspective will help you set realistic expectations for what to request and increase the likelihood of achieving a mutually agreed-upon settlement with the assistance of your lawyer.
Our divorce lawyers are available to provide legal guidance and support you through the process of reaching a settlement with your former spouse.
Understanding a father’s rights in divorce
There is a common misconception that divorce laws are biassed against fathers when it comes to child custody arrangements. However, there are no strict rules dictating where children should live or how much time they should spend with each parent after divorce.
Practical factors such as the children’s age, school commitments, each parent’s caregiving ability, and living arrangements must be taken into account.
In terms of legal rights, the focus is on the child’s best interests and their right to maintain a relationship with both parents, provided it is in their best interests.
The law does not specify where a child should live or how visitation should be arranged. These decisions are typically left for parents to agree upon. If parents cannot agree, the court may intervene and issue a court order, known as a Child Arrangements Order.
If you are contemplating divorce, it’s important to seek guidance from an experienced family law specialist who will advocate for your interests. A supportive and knowledgeable specialist can be invaluable and ultimately cost-effective in navigating the complexities of divorce and child arrangements.
How should a man prepare for divorce?
Here are some key considerations to address when preparing for divorce:
- Housing: Determine where you will live post-divorce. Whether you plan to stay in the family home or find a new residence, consider your housing needs and financial capabilities.
- Financial Planning: Assess your financial requirements and resources following the divorce. Understand your income, expenses, and financial obligations to plan effectively for the future.
- Parenting Goals: If you have children, think about the type of relationship you want to maintain with them after the divorce. Consider parenting arrangements and your involvement in their lives.
- Post-Divorce Relationship: Reflect on the type of relationship you aim to have with your spouse after the divorce. Define boundaries and expectations for future interactions.
- Seeking Support: Identify areas where you need emotional or practical support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for assistance during this challenging time.
- Legal Guidance: Consult with a qualified family law attorney to receive tailored legal advice. A skilled attorney can significantly impact the outcome of asset division and child custody negotiations.
Preparing thoughtfully in these areas can help you navigate the divorce process more effectively and set the stage for a positive future.
What should a man do after divorce?
Experiencing a divorce can be a challenging and emotional journey, and for many individuals, the period following the finalisation of the divorce can be particularly tough.
During the divorce process, there are practical matters to attend to, which can serve as a distraction. However, once these details are sorted out, individuals often find themselves grappling with feelings of loneliness and emotional challenges that may have been set aside during the divorce proceedings.
Fortunately, there are organisations that provide support specifically tailored for men and fathers post-divorce, such as Gingerbread for single parents. Additionally, if you are struggling with emotional distress or mental health issues, it’s important to consider reaching out to your GP or a mental health professional.
While seeking help may not be easy, it can significantly impact your immediate well-being and long-term happiness. Taking steps to address your emotional needs and seeking support can make a positive difference during this challenging period.
